News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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