I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
