Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
