Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
