if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
