So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
