remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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