chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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