I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
