I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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