He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
