I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
