My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
