It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
