you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
