can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
