...so i touched it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
