I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
