he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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