1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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