Dual....:-)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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