It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My vagina is very pro this idea
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