What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
