I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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