just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
