Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
