I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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