i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
