So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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