as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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