what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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