no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
