:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
