dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
