Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
