i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
