I just pynch a tree in the face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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