are you still at the devil's house?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
