I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
