i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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