are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
