final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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