When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
