she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
