Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
