at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
