I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize