Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
