I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
