You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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