Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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