You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
