He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize