you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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