can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
