her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
