i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize