I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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