I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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