I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
