Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
