I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize