Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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