my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
