God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
