let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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