3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
