come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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