WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
