You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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