i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
