I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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