I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize