it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
